Listening is an essential skill for building strong relationships, fostering understanding, and navigating the complexities of communication. However, many of us struggle with truly listening to others. Various obstacles, such as assumptions, biases, the need for control, distractions, and ego, can hinder our ability to fully engage in conversations.

In this blog, we will explore these common barriers to effective listening and provide practical solutions to overcome them. By recognising and addressing these challenges, you can improve your listening skills, enhance your relationships, and ensure that others feel heard and valued.

Here is the ABCDE of why listening is so hard and what you can do to become a better listener.

Assumptions

You think you know what person is going to say so don’t listen or interrupt to fill in gaps.

Solution:

Listen with an open mind.  Instead of predicting what someone will say, approach each conversation as if you’re hearing it for the first time. Practice active listening by paraphrasing what the person has said to ensure you’ve understood them correctly. This not only prevents you from jumping to conclusions but also shows the speaker that you’re genuinely engaged.

Bias

You let person’s outward appearance or opinions or your beliefs block you from truly hearing what is said.

Solution:

Don’t focus on any one thought or emotion that you have. Recognise your biases by reflecting on your initial reactions. Ask yourself if you’re dismissing the person’s perspective due to their appearance or differing views. To counter this, try to focus on the content of their message rather than your preconceived notions. Engage in conversations with the goal of understanding rather than judging.

Control

You feel need to interrupt, rush, and/or correct what person is saying.

Solution:

Listen with your heart as well as your ears, remembering the importance of a relationship. Maintain relaxed, non-hurried posture that communicates that their agenda is important to you. To overcome the need to control the conversation, remind yourself of the value in hearing others out. Adopt a posture that conveys openness, such as leaning slightly forward and maintaining a relaxed demeanour. Use non-verbal cues, like nodding, to show you’re engaged. This will not only improve the quality of the interaction but also strengthen your relationship with the speaker.

Distraction

You lose attentiveness because you think faster than they speak, so you start thinking about what you are going to say next.

Solution:

Stay in the moment, hang onto every word. Refrain from planning ahead about what you will say. Maintain eye contact, which will help you keep focused on the person and communicate that you’re with them. Combat distractions by practicing mindfulness. Before the conversation, take a few deep breaths to centre yourself. During the conversation, if your mind starts to wander, bring your focus back by mentally repeating the speaker’s words. Maintaining eye contact and providing verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That’s interesting” can help keep you grounded in the present.

Ego

You put your own neediness to be focus of attention before other person.

Solution:

Work at respecting and valuing the other person. Learn to love your neighbour as yourself. Set aside your desire to be the centre of attention by genuinely valuing the other person’s perspective. Remind yourself that listening is not about waiting for your turn to speak but about connecting with the other person. Practicing empathy can also help. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their feelings and motivations. This shift in focus from yourself to the speaker can greatly improve the quality of your listening.

Conclusion

Listening is more than just hearing words; it’s about truly understanding and connecting with the people around us. By overcoming these common barriers of assumptions, bias, control, distraction, and ego, we can enhance our listening skills and build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Remember, effective listening is a skill that requires practice and intention.

Call to Action:  I encourage you to start by reflecting on your own listening habits. Choose one area to work on this week, whether it’s keeping an open mind, staying in the moment, or setting aside your ego. Small changes can make a big difference.

Do share your experiences or challenges by emailing me at janet@inspiretrainingmidlands.co.uk  —I’d love to hear how these strategies work for you!

Image credit:  Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Recently, during some interview skills training, I cited an example of a really bad interview I once attended as an interviewee many, many years ago in Birmingham, with a senior executive of a (then) very well known international photocopier company.

Sent by a recruitment agency for the job, on arrival I was directed to said executive’s office. I knocked on the door, was called in and entered to find him seated at his desk, head down, looking at paperwork. I stood there, waiting to be invited to take a seat. He eventually looked up and, in an exasperated tone, told me to sit down. I held my hand out and introduced myself and he ignored me.

During the course of the interview, he was quite rude and condescending, but I stayed polite and professional. At one stage, he asked about my age and marital status (I was young and engaged then) and proceeded to make comments that I would get married and go off and have babies. Fuming inside, I politely said that thought he should know that it was illegal and inappropriate to ask such questions. He responded with a shrug and quite obviously did not care.

The interview finished and, as I left, he again didn’t shake my hand, nor did he rise to see me out. At the door, I turned around, thanked him for his time, told him I didn’t think the job was right for me and left.

I immediately found the nearest phone-box (pre-mobile phone days – shows how long ago!) and phoned the agency to give feedback and make a complaint about it. Apparently, I was the latest of several applicants who had been treated by him like that.

Looking back, I should have reported him to his company (and maybe the agency did, but there again they may not have wanted to upset a big-name client organisation).  I certainly would do nowadays.

Parlez-vous français?

Another interview I had, some years later, with the CEO of a government-based organisation, ended up with me having half of my interview being conducted in French. As I was a qualified multi-lingual PA, he had spotted French on my CV.

I coped fine of course, (nowadays, I can probably remember just about to enough order baguettes, croissants and du vin!) but this particular job had absolutely no foreign language requirements, as it was for a regular PA. The CEO spoke some French, however, so thought it would be good to interview me in French (to show off?). I got the job, so obviously passed muster!

Analogies

These are both prime examples of how not to behave in interviews, especially the first one. Thankfully, however, nowadays they provide me with very useful analogies to use as examples in my training courses.

What interview experiences have you had in the past – good or bad? Do you think things have improved over the years?

For information about Recruitment, Interview and Appraisal training, click here.

Photo credits (Pixabay):
Russell Clark
Robin Higgins
Jill Wellington

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Instructor Bio:

My name is Janet Baker and, many years ago, I was like you, a newly appointed manager. Having previously been a very successful team leader, I thought the transition would be straightforward. However, reality was very different.

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Why you? Understanding your new role as a manager, what is expected of you and when, and feeling more confident about being in that post

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Recruitment of and interviewing staff, ensuring you have the “best fit” personnel in your team

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The next programme will run for six concurrent Thursdays, commencing on 30 September 2021 at 09:30hrs (UK BST), each module lasting about two hours. On completion of the training programme, you will then be invited to book four one-hour, one-to-one coaching sessions with me.

Alternatively, a second Programme will be run on Thursdays, commencing on 30 September 2021, at 18:30hrs UK BST (13:30hrs EST).

What is the cost?

The investment in this programme is £597 per person. Only ten people will be accepted onto it, so sign up today to be part of this exciting programme!

Application deadline:

The deadline to sign up is midnight on Monday 27 September 2021.

To Enrol:

Contact me at janet@inspiretrainingmidlands.co.uk, fill in a booking form or phone me on 07944225290 to secure your place on this unique programme.

Drop me an email at janet@inspiretrainingmidlands.co.uk and I will be happy to help.

Click here for the booking form:  New Manager Programme Booking Form

Photo credits:  

Sanu A S from Pixabay

Katy Allison from Pixabay

Angelo Esslinger from Pixabay